1. The highway signs in Pennsylvania are a little weird; they don't use decimal expressions of less-than-full-mile distances. You see "Wadsworth St 2 1/3 mi" or "Hampden Blvd 6/10 mi" or "Cheltenham Rd 3/10 mi".
   
   
2. Those automatic faucets in airport washrooms never work right. If your hand is in exactly, precisely the right place and orientation, you might get a fraction-of-a-second splash of water, but probably not. If you are trying to wash your eyeglasses, good effin' luck; it won't trigger at all. The old damped-return hand-push valves were slightly less obnoxious. Better: spring-loaded foot-operated valves.

You can vote today (Friday), tomorrow (Saturday) and Monday, at advance
polls. They are usually much faster then the regular polls. If there is
ANY doubt about you being able to make it on May 2nd, please go early!

1. There are three syllables, not four, in vinaigrette. The word "vinegar" is not in there. It's "VIN-eh-GRET", not "VIN-egger-ETT". Three syllables. Stop adding extra ones.
   
   
2. There are four syllables, not three, in America. Republicans pay attention, because you fuck this up all the time. It's "uh-MERR-ick-uh". It's not "uh-murka". It's not "Murrica". It's not "uh-MAIR-ca". It's not "Mairca". There are four syllables in there, now start sayin' 'em or I'll add an item to the Gay Agenda to sic the Activist Judges on you and get a Constitutional Amendment to ban the mutilation of the word "America".
   
   
3. The emphasis is on the second syllable, not the third, of electoral. It's "eh-LECK-tuh-rul", not "eh-leck-TOR-uhl". If you can say "pectoral" correctly — and I know you can — then you can also handle this one. If the word had an "i" and five syllables ("electorial"), then the emphasis would be on "TOR", but it doesn't, so it's not.
   
   
4. There are four syllables and no hard C/K sound in the word et cetera. It is "ett-SET-eh-ruh", not "eck-SET-eh-ruh", and definitely not "eck-SET-truh". Christie Blatchford, this means you; say it until you get it right. Or better yet, just shut the fuck up altogether because you're full of shit. And since we're on the topic of etcetera, the abbreviation is etc. It is not ect.
   
   
5. Speaking of abbreviations, they are usually formed by putting together the first letters of the words in the phrase to be abbreviated. Thus, the abbreviation for do it yourself is DIY, not DYI. If you are talking about your car's positive crankcase vent system, then we can discuss PCV, but otherwise you are probably referring to polyvinyl chloride, which is abbreviated PVC.
   
   
6. Au jus is a French phrase that means "with or in (usually its own) juice". It is an adjective phrase, not a noun. You can serve roast beef au jus, but not "roast beef with au jus", and there's nothing such as "au jus sauce".
   
   
7. Loose means not tight, and it has a hissing ssssss sound like a snake in it. Lose means not win or not retain, and it has a buzzing zzzzzzzz sound like a bee.
   
   
8. Your refers to something that belongs to you. You're means "you are". The same goes for there (not here) and their (belonging to them) versus they're (they are), and were (used to be) versus we're (we are).
   
   
9. Gifts are free. That's what makes them gifts. If they weren't free, they'd be purchases. Stop saying I'll get a "free gift" if I sign up for your crappy mobile phone service or whatever. And really stop using the phrase "for free". I really mean it. Stop doing it. Oh, and unless you are a tax lawyer or a parent very impressed with your child (whom you consider gifted, i.e., exceptionally intelligent), gift is a noun, not a verb. You didn't "gift" somebody a free toaster, you gave him a toaster.
   
   
10. You may or may not have a penchant for doing this or that or the other thing, but you do not have a "perchant" for it.
    
    
11. To revert means to return to an earlier habit, practice, belief, version, plan, or developmental stage. In law, it means the return of property to a former owner or her heirs. It does not mean to reply or get back to someone. "I'll check our warehouse to see how many of that item we have and revert to you by Tuesday" is wrong.
    
    
12. Less means a smaller amount of something. fewer means a smaller number of something. Less water, less air, less money, less hassle. Fewer trips, fewer cups, fewer slices of pizza, and the express lane at the grocery is properly limited to purchases involving 15 or fewer items, not "15 or less items".
    
    
13. I deliberately omitted the word "store" in the previous item, because it would have been redundant. I buy baked goods at a bakery, not a "bakery store", and I buy food, food-related items, cleaning supplies and other groceries at a grocery. My grandmother bought this sort of thing from her grocer, whose grocery was usually his own small business rather than part of a corporate chain.
    
    
14. Momentarily means "for a moment". It does not mean "in a moment". If you say you will be somewhere momentarily, it means you will be there very, very, very briefly. It does not mean you will be there soon.
    
    
15. Contractions like could've, should've, would've, had to've are written thus because they contain the last couple letters from the word "have". Stop writing "should of", "could of", "would of", and "had to of".
    
    
16. To electrocute means to execute (i.e., kill) a person or animal by means of electricity. It is not a synonym for "charge", "shock", "generate voltage near" or "electrify". Brits take heed, because for some strange reason you seem to think it's clever to make this error.
    
    
17. As many of you know, the Country Bunker has both kinds of music: Country and Western. Likewise, sometimes the same word is used as a noun and as a verb. But the pronunciation is different. Take address for example. You "uh-DRESS" (verb) a letter or a crowd or anyone else you wish to speak to, but mail comes to your "ADD-ress" (noun). You "pro-JECT" (verb) your slides on the wall or your emotions onto others, but that new garage you're building out back is a "PRO-ject" or "PRAH-ject" (noun). You "reh-CORD" (verb) your thoughts in your blog, so that later you can look back on the running "RECK-ord" or "RECK-erd" (noun) of what you were thinking. Easy enough, right? Well, it works the same way for detail: You read the "DEE-tails" (noun) of a report, but you "deh-TAIL" (verb) your car. "Firefighters rescue a cat stuck in a tree, we'll have deh-TAILS coming up after this break on Action Six News" is wrong.
    
    
18. Kilometre is properly pronounced with the emphasis on the third syllable, and optionally with emphasis on the first. "kil-uh-MEE-tur" or "KIL-uh-MEE-tur" is yes. "ki-LAH-mit-ur" is no. A “ki-LAH-mit-ur” would be a device for measuring kilos, much as a “my-CROM-it-ur” is a device for measuring small dimensions, pronounced that way to distinguish it from a “MY-cro-MEE-tur”, which is a very small dimension.
    
    
19. I left this off originally because I didn't think it had to be said, but popular demand suggests otherwise, so — Republicans, I'm looking at you again — let's all say two easy words together: New. Clear. Everyone can say these words. Each of them has only one syllable. They are both practically impossible to mispronounce. Now say them again, without pausing between them: NewClear. Congratulations! You can pronounce nuclear correctly after all!
    
    
20. The word ridiculous does not contain the letter "e" in either its written or its spoken form.
    
    
21. The apostrophe is a lovely punctuation mark. It looks a little like a helium-filled comma. One use for the apostrophe is to indicate that something or someone possesses something or someone else. Stephen's house, the dog's tail, the socket's connections. Another use is to form a contraction from two words, where "is" is the second word: It's true, and that's a fact. Where neither an "is" contraction nor a possessive situation exists, using an apostrophe to warn the reader that s/he will soon encounter the letter "s" is wrong.
    
    
22. Supposably and expedential and irregardless are assemblages of letters, but they are not words and so they don't mean anything. For best results, use only 100% genuine actual real words when building your sentences. Accept no imitations; use supposedly and exponential and regardless.
    
    
23. "Kudos" is one of those words that ends in "s" but is not plural, like "pathos" and "ethos" and "gravitas". The "s" has to be on the end of it, or it's not a word. There's nothing such as "giving a kudo" to someone for a job well done.
    
    
24. If you care about something, even just a little bit, then you could care less than you do care. If you are trying to be clever and cute about expressing your utter lack of concern regarding whatever matter or idea is being discussed, then you couldn't care less. If you have been confused by nonsensical justifications for saying "I could care less" when "couldn't" is meant, reread the sentences preceeding this one as many times as necessary.
    
    
25. Stop using the verb "do" as a substitute for whatever verb you really mean; it's lazy. You aren't going to "do" Chinese food, you're going to eat it or order it or have it. You didn't "do" New Guinea, you went there and saw it. And how did we wind up with a clunker like "doing" drugs? No! You smoke marijuana or crack, you take pills, you shoot heroin, you eat mushrooms. Not all at the same time, it's to be hoped.
    
    
26. Yes, gauge is a less-than-intuitive spelling, because the word is pronounced with an "ay" sound, not an "aw" or an "oh" sound. No, that does not make it okay to spell it "gage". And since we're on the topic, "guage" is wrong, too.
    
    
27. Significant means real. Substantial means large. They are not synonyms. Stop and think every time you're tempted to use "significant"; odds are you really mean "substantial".
    
    
28. Like the apostrophe, quotation marks are delightful bits of punctuation. They come in pairs, and are really diverse. But whether they look like « » or like “ ” or like " " or like „ ”, they're used to denote text spoken or written by someone else. They can also be used as "scare quotes" to denote a dubious or questionable word or phrase. They're not used for emphasis, ever. Please “do not” leave paper in urinal & remember to “flush” is wrong.
    
    
29. Normal is not a noun, it is an adjective made from the noun norm. It's possible to adapt to a new norm, but there is nothing such as "the new normal".
    
    
30. Words that sound alike but have different meanings and spellings are called homophones. Three such words are there, their, and they're. These words are not interchangeable, and picking the right one requires only the smallest, quickest mental effort. Using the wrong one makes you look lazy and feebleminded. You don't want to look lazy and feebleminded, do you?
    
    
31. Champing at the bit means eager or anxious to get going and do something. "Chomping at the bit" doesn't mean anything.
    
    
32. One and the same means two things are alike. "One in the same" doesn't mean anything.
    
    
33. Stock in trade means all the merchandise and equipment kept on hand and used in carrying on a business. Colloquially, it refers to the resources habitually called on by a person in a given situation (e.g, "A ready wit is her stock in trade"). "Stock and trade" doesn't mean anything.
    
    
34. Case in point means an anecdote used to illustrate a point. "Case and point" doesn't mean anything.
    
    
35. i.e. means "that is". e.g. means "for example". The two are not interchangeable.
    
    
36. There is a punctuation mark properly used to indicate words omitted from a quote, and informally used to signify a longer pause and perhaps a looser connection between thoughts than you'd indicate with a comma. It is called an ellipsis, and it looks like this:
    …
    
    It is used far oftener than warranted, but whether you're using it correctly or insisting on using it instead of the appropriate comma or semicolon, it is always only ever composed of three dots. Not four, not five, not seventeen, but three. More dots don't mean a longer pause, they mean you don't know how to write.
    
    
37. Artwork and porn stars are hung. Condemned criminals are hanged.
    
    
38. A margarita is an alcoholic beverage. A margherita is a pizza.
    
    
39. "See in-store for details" is wrong with or without the hyphen. Find another way to say it. "Visit a store for details" or "ask us for details", for example.
    
    
40. A warranty is a guarantee; the warrantee is the party (such as the buyer of a product) to whom the guarantee is made by the warrantor (such as the maker of the product).
    
    
41. A published work that cannot be copied or redistributed without permission of its owners is copyrighted. It is not "copywritten", which is not a word. A copywriter is s/he who writes copy, which is the text in an advertisement. Such an ad, including the copywriter's copy, may or may not be copyrighted.
    
    
42. It's not nice to defame someone, but if you're going to do it, use the right tool for the job at hand. Slander is verbal defamation spoken, shouted from the rooftops, or sung to a fiddle, flute, monkey-operated calliope or the like. Libel is written defamation done with a pencil, crayon, printing press, can of spray paint, or computer. When the moderator of an internet forum tells you to behave yourself, you make yourself look like an idiot by threatening to sue him for slander. You make yourself look like an equal but different idiot by threatening to sue him for libel, but that's beyond the remit of this treatise.
    
    
43. Tenant means "Holder" in French. It refers to the occupant and/or lease holder of an apartment, office, house, or other property. Tenet means a principle, belief, or doctrine generally held to be true, notably one held in common by members of an organisation or society. They aren't the same, and "tenent" doesn't mean anything.
    
    
44. Loathe is a verb more or less synonymous with "detest". Loath is an adjective the meaning of which falls between "reluctant" and "unwilling". I am loath to admit it bothers me when people misuse loathe where loath is called for. Actually, that's not true; I am not loath to admit I loathe it.
    
    
45. Log in is a two-word verb meaning to assert or notate permission to enter a facility or use an online resource such as a website or email account. Login is a noun; it is a name, word, or code used to identify oneself in the process of logging in. You log in using your login. You cannot login to a website.
    
    
46. A carrot cannot be used as a carburetor, nor a noun as a verb. Words such as pressure, acquisition, and transmission are nouns, not verbs, though each has a verb form; respectively these are press, acquire, and transmit. One company may acquire but not "acquisition" another company. A special-interest group may press but not "pressure" a politician to adopt their stance on an issue. A warehouse manager may transmit but not "transmission" an order to a manufacturer.
    
    
47. If you can't resist using the tired "Home of…" cliché as a tagline for your business, please use it correctly. That is "Home of the" followed by a noun optionally preceded by one adjective or more. Like this:
    
    57th Street Burgers—Home of the amazing three-pound Super Wowburger
    Vinnie's Vacuums—Home of the 45-Day Money-Back Satisfaction Guarantee
    Don's Fine Used Cars—Home of the Dealin' Don Deal
    Land of the free—Home of the Brave
    
    
    It is not "Home of the" followed by a verb phrase, so not like this:
    
    Tiny's Texaco—Home of giving you the best service with a smile
    Azaz Beds—Home of finding the best mattress for you
    
    
48. The thing you see hoisted by forklift is a pallet. The board for mixing paints is a palette. The organ of your taste is a palate.
    
    
49. The word pronunciation does not contain the word pronounce. The second syllable of pronunciation is nun like a very Catholic woman. It is not noun like the part of speech that refers to a person, place, or thing.
    
    
50. There is no word such as "alot". There is allot which means to assign, distribute, or allocate. There is also a lot, which means a large number or amount of something.
    
    
51. Cue and queue are pronounced alike, but they are not the same. A queue (noun) is a line of waiting people, events, computer commands, phone calls on hold, or suchlike. To queue (verb) (or "queue up") is to join or add to such a waiting lineup. A cue (noun) is a signal or mark that it is time for a prepared action to occur. Examples include utterance of a line (as by an actor in a play), unveiling of a thing (as a new car at a car show), and activation of a particular combination of lighting, sound effects, and/or stage props (as in a play). To cue (verb) something is formally to prepare it for its impending time, as when a DJ cues (or "cues up") a musical track by advancing the recording to just before the intended starting point, or the stage lighting operator readies his controls to activate what will soon be required. Informally or sarcastically, "cue" is used to signify that an expected event will happen: "Oh, climate change is in the news again? Cue the usual babble about how it's all a big conspiracy."
    
    
52. It is important and good to use Gender-neutral terminology whenever doing so will avoid bias or render half the human race invisible or imply superiority of one sex over the other. When we refer to a position that could be held by a man or a woman, it is not appropriate to use a gender-specific term. However, there is no reason or need to use a gender-neutral term when the referent's gender is known. A male spokesperson is a spokesman, a female chairperson is a chairwoman, a male ombud officer is an ombudsman, and so on. Calling David a "chairman", Marge an "ombudswoman", and Michael a "spokesman" does not imply that the other gender is unsuited to the position. It is sexist to use gender-specific language to refer to a person of unknown gender (or an unfilled job), but it is not sexist to refer to a man as a man or a woman as a woman. And please make a thoughtful choice of gender-neutral terms. There is no excuse for using a clunker like "spokesperson" or "chairperson" when representative and chair are much more cromulent.

    Artificially-gendered terms like "actress" and "waitress" and "hostess" aren't warranted, and probably never were. "Actor" and "waiter" and "host" aren't inherently gendered and should be used regardless of the referent's sex. The jury's still out on "dominatrix".